quarter life crisis (2)

i thought by keeping myself busy i would reduce the time to feel depressed. i would prevent sadness, emptiness, loneliness or any other related state of negativity.

i was wrong.

i felt depressed for being useless. then one day thank God i turned to be productive and felt depressed no more.

as the time goes by i become 'very' productive, and once you did these things you started to crave doing more things. that was when productivity started consuming you.

your life ran so fast you didnt see things coming. everything is rushing, shooting, you can only keep running--maybe flying in some cases. i tell you, being productive is very addictive. it was satisfying to make other people satisfied and once you made it, you wanted to keep their trust, and they became your priority.

your directions are slowly changed and you didnt have much time even to think about it. you think you're getting to the next level, one step closer to maturity. in fact instead of being wise, you just learned to choose your priority, to focus on the things that worth your energy, or the things that will give you something fair; a stair, a career, the state of being secured, clarity or recognition. or maybe a family, this sense of belonging, intimacy, maybe ambition.

now that your speed increases, you can accelerate. but everything is getting complicated and the more you knew, the more you realized you have known nothing. it's overwhelming.

the more thing there is, the less time there will be. the less time you have, it's getting harder to comprehend everything as a whole.

time flies so fast you start begging for a slow life.

ah, once you could spare a little, maybe it was a lil bit too late. everything was pilled up, you had no idea where to start, how to snug, you just keep watching em, hopeless.

yknow sometimes the more things happened, the more you wanted to share. and lesser time you had, the more you would know that, it's better to just enjoy the present,

and let everything lasted.


dude, honestly, i just miss being alone sitting at the park bench somewhere looking at the sky, at the people passing by among strangers, recalling every single thing that has happened. i miss being on my own, being not necessarily obliged to do anything. it's not that when im productive i miss being useless or when i am useless i feel depressed for doing nothing. it's just that, i need a break some time im just tired.