have you sat one day, and thought about things, and started to evaluate your life, mainly as young adult in your early 20s, and realized, that, there are lots of things you wish you never did?
well, i have.
and it's plenty. plenty of things i wish i never did. and it got me shook. and cringed. and at some points upset with myself.
and the way i realized, the way it came across my mind was so casual, so easy, like i was somebody else wondering why would someone do that.
and then i got me like.. i was so sorry. i am genuinely sorry and i wish i never did that. to myself, to everyone, everyone who had to deal with what i had done. it felt like i just wanted to call and meet everyone and say sorry and hug them, even it's for the things they no longer remember.
it made me wanted to pull back, from anyone, from anything, from the life catalog everbody made in tiny squares. for people to less notice about me so they would forget me, so they would be less cringed. and then im going to fix myself, do a better life, do second chances i never asked for but created on my own, until one day, they will stumble upon me, and get to see that i have changed, and it's not a promise, it's a fact, and that i have became a new person who won't hurt anyone, a new person they can trust. because what have i been thinking this whole time while people got to see me unaware of my own shits? i should have facepalmed and realized i didnt deserve the world.
so thank you, thank you to every person who has accepted me for who i was, or who i am, for what i have done and still do, and for being such wonderful friend with big heart for.. for never getting tired or if so for bearing with me and all of my shits.
but then also to those people who were daring themselves to let me know that i was not supposed to do the things i was supposed not to. you are very precious.
so on behalf of myself, my shits, and my will to be better, i would like to earnestly, genuinely apologize for everything i had done i wish i never had, that hurt or upset anyone. if you happen to read this, i mean it. if you dont forgive me, it's ok. but i hope if we meet again, you would see me as a better person. for everyone. and for myself.
things i really wanted to tell and share since the new year's eve.