a glimpse: what a 25-year-old might feel sad about.

Wednesday

what a 25-year-old might feel sad about.

hi.

if you read this online diary and this is not your first visit, you might be in your 25s now and we might be growing up together. this diary was once so colorful, and i wrote almost everything here. took pictures with my dslr, photoshopped it, and stuck it on every entry i posted.

after instagram, most of my life, it went straight to the feeds, and you bet, ig stories. or twitter, when instagram sounded too much. or as per these past few years, left undocumented.

it has become difficult to put things into words now, even harder to draw a map of feelings and thoughts. weird, i used to be very exceled at that. these days, a day passed with 3 same exact questions: what you need to do, what you need to finish what you need to do, and what you need to do if you dont finish what you need to do. wait. not that hopeless though, i had fun too. i have a loving partner, live with him, have my friends in one roof, we know how to have fun, i finally have fun job, even the pandemic make many things easier for me somehow: working from home, no pressure on conquering the jtown, no pressure on social life, no pressure on getting married anytime soon.

one year, and right when i'm just about to settle with things, life starts to take my favorite persons away.

reyhan, sonde, ipang, david, and soon deni, maybe followed by ruth, and maybe guntur too.

not trying to be a selfish brat, i have no intention of keeping them close by forever. it's just that, it came to my realization that what have made life bearable and easier all along are them.

being around these people, being able to be subconsciously aware that i'm not alone even though i rarely see them in person during weekdays keeps me sane. at least for one year, i feel like i'm God's favorite. :)

now that they are heading to their own paths, and we are going to part ways, i'm gonna cherish every moment that's left.

what a 25-year-old might feel sad about may be her unrewarding job, or her worries about marriage, or her family being away during the outbreak, or her not-yet reachable dreams. but it may also be the fear of being alone after a year full of beautiful memories and great company throughout her sad life after all.

No comments:

Post a Comment

She

Currently resides in West Jakarta.

Started this blog when she was 14, many things have happened ever since. On her way towards 30, she might be still interested in life, meanings, stories, and how people reflect them. She still watches movies sometimes.

Around October 2017 (seven years since her first entry), she took a break from blogging and eventually disappeared. The next year, she was seen going to Bali for a week, strolling around Semarang with the hot papas duo, and spending more time with her family. That same year, her bestfriend (Ones) finally left the town for good. She was all alone once again. Barely stepped outside, it was a time where she lost count of time. Few weeks away from new year, she sailed to West Borneo and spent a month there being a hermit. Or now we can say, a lucky hermit.

2019 was an incredible year for her; she met new people, tried new things, finished her thesis and finally graduated. In early 2020, she came to Jakarta just a couple of months before the first, OG COVID-19 quarantine began. She is kinda stuck thenceforth.