16:32, di samping jendela kamar.
udaranya lagi enak banget, mendung, habis hujan. dingin, gloomy, sambil dengerin danilla.
when i re-read my (older) posts, i somehow feel cheesy. so maybe from now on i will only write in bahasa when it comes to poems, or, idk maybe articles. note: if you want to read the main topic jump to the next 3 paragraph. it begins there. and oh, it's a casual post not a formal argumentative paragraph they taught me in high school.
its been almost a month i stayed in bed. perhaps once and twice with friends or alone on coffee longues but i produced nothing.
the worst part is, actually i have lots of idea strolling inside my head. to write books, to go travel somewhere nearby and make videos with good musics as soundtrack, to write some reviews—movie, books or albums, to do some photoshoots, to make songs, or just to do some covers.
i envy them who meet up at mlg-sby. i could’ve gone to malang and hang out with matthew, i could have gone back to yogya and watched lalaland, visited art galleries and museums besides there would have been more café to waste some time with my laptop and headset on but i didnt do it anyway.
recently i begin to realize that if i gotta get married in next 5-6 years (guys, i dont state who become my bridegroom--cowo yg bakal aku kawini, neither, aku gak bilang udah bakal kawin dan bakal kawin dengan siapa, no) it would be here in my hometown, ponorogo. honestly i’d been always thinking of other cities for wedding; mostly yogya and jakarta, or i don’t know, bali? or whenever my jobs take me later. but then, i realize, no dude, this culture belongs to celebrity and them whose hometown were in the karta-cities. then i begin to realize, that, i only had a few close friends here, them who i kept close. well i know a lot of fellow, a lot of them maybe know me, but we actually aren’t ‘friends’ that almost of them i barely met in person. last year’s semester-break, i finally got to know some people closer. this current semester break, the time i start to realize the whole thing, i began to bond with more persons i usually touch via instagram or path. i don’t know is this still relevant to call such thing 'make friend' in this millennial age (where people can easily make friends via internet), but yeah. i do. i left gadget, i mean no, i use gadgets and actually make new friends.
ahya. a thing to confess; around september i’ve told u i stop doing social media except instagram, blog and u know, the essential ports like email and linkedin, plus.. ok let’s start with the moment i temporarily deactivated my instagram, in which i thought as pointless, and either boring and distracting. so i did a trial, to deactivate and see what happened. turned out some friends asked me what had happened with my account then i replied i wanted to leave it for weeks. but the next day, casually, i checked whether it’s still there–i mean i can activate it whenever i want to. but i hardly signed back in, few times i tried to but got fail several times, until for a second on my dozen-th times, i tried and it signed me in.
just like that. i technically activated it. the worst part was i just knew that it began to re-tag every pictures existed so that all of the tagged ones re-like even commented the pictures i posted years ago, thought i posted it in the very time. the next worst part, i wouldn’t deactivate again until a week so then i just go with it.
ok, there’s time when i became that person who loved posting every moment with those long captions. there’s also times when i used to be a location-obsessed person, where i loved to go to places that people barely know or places that soon-to-be popular, with me in it, posing like models or something alike, or actually just to try new-cafes with my well-dressed gang.
but now im just ok with it.
you know, it gets overrated. people become overrated. instagram forms a new potential world that has a powerful visual culture. well yes there are people who use it as portfolio and business necessary or chill-and-post-dude kind of person, but there also lives people who are too dumb to see the essence in gramming.
the people who is proud to join the stream of self-celebratization (menyelebkan diri sendiri, pinjam terms nya dayin) and yes sometimes it’s overwhelming that nowadays we are too busy to do fame and shape ourselves as a-well-feed person, or maybe a celeb when we, sadly, are not.
some people needs to tidy their feeds because they need to. they make money from endorsements and it comes because of how many they get the likes. other celebgrams need fame to promote their youtube, films, books, events, products, etc. if we want that, we want to be endorsed, it’s ok. or maybe we want to make it thematics or just tidy it and chill, it's up to each person. but if we want the fame alone, we want popularity itself and adoration ‘ahh that girl with nice feed’ or the title, ‘that hits girl’ ‘that hits boy’, i tell you, it’s sad.
baby it’s sad when our life depends on the amount of our likes, followers, or our feed. it’s sad that some people become obsessive to make their feeds neat because other people do so, because the stream tell us it defines who we are. it’s sad that we feel happy because many people likes us and then what? that we are famous now congratulation we are loved. that’s it? because baby it’s sad. it is.
what’s the point of being popular afterall? if you aim for being called and asked to do endorsement its ok. if you do it and turns out it looks nice and on point and dude chill and post. yes it's good. but when some of people are being too obsessive? dude, if you're obsessive, and it's actually enjoyable instead of spamming, it's ok. i like that tho. if you do it just for fun it's ok. but then what’s the point of having a neat feed? what’s the point of doing what everybody else does? what’s the point of being in the same stream with people?
or maybe, which people?
i used to. i used to take photo in a new or instagrammable places, posing like i was a model (well sadly im not), with fancy outfits, fancy words, overrated fanciness. then i realized, trus lapo? terus opo o? gek terus nyapo?
negasinya adalah, di atas aku udah bilang, pengecualiannya ketika emang pengen aja, pengen tematik aja, pengen kurasi, atau ketika seseorang make buat portfolio, atau emang dia seleb/pablik figur/cari duit karena edorsement/duta wisata pokoknya emang butuh pencitraan, ya silakan. atau memang dia tipe orang yang ya, pengen-aja-ngepost-terus-kenapa karena emang mungkin momentnya dapet, atau alasan lain.
tapi tendensinya apa. esensinya apa. pengen aja, oke. tapi kalo ga tau bahkan kenapa itu dilakuin atau karena kebawa arus, atau karena tendensinya emang pengen beken.. it's sad. (i actually dont know why am i so giving a dayum but i cant help).
kalo sampe obsesif itu lho. kalo sampe make 'hunting' cuma buat dateng ke tempat yang bahkan ga bakal pindah, bisa didatengin lagi besok, atau bajunya sebenernya oke, tapi maksa pokoknya ditumpuk-tumpuk aja biar hits, atau karena butuh 'ngefeed', biar dibilang orang kece gituloh, biar hits. omg sis, get a life. kalo ngelakuin itu karena ya, casually aja, ceprat cepret, eh bagus ya, post. atau, ih unyu nih spot, cekrik, upload gitu. atau karena lagi on point lalu cekrik, upload. why not.
cuma sedih aja kalo yang sampe obsesif terhadap selebritisasi diri sendiri, (ini kenapa si gua ulang ulang gua jg sebel sendiri) terhadap, julukan hits, terhadap sosial, terhadap pencitraan yang diinginkan. dude, it's overrated. worst when you do spamming. pengen banget nih jadi selebgram? dateng, outfit, pose, efek, ayolah. even 'hipsters' people leave that things away few years ago (because almost of us pasti pernah berada di titik itu ya gak sih). if you DO care with being hipster (ngehit bahasa gaolnya) (omg i feel so gross talk like this but i cant help), there is tint, and grain, or u can try blurry photo, and mood photo, watch hipster movies (type 10 hipsters movies of all time on youtube or google), there is scarf, theres plain tee and chill, if you want to take photo in coffeeshops, look around, even some people just sit there with laptops and headsets because they know they can sit there every evening if they want to, maybe they call you 'duh norak ya' atau 'kayak ga bakal bisa kesitu lagi aja' or if you really want to take photo there like a model, do it with class, some people can do it so. and class doesnt always mean fancy clothes, baju terminim atau baju bertumpuk-tumpuk, heels, running shoes, makeups or those things. or maybe you can start with.. simply do what you love, be you, be honest, just the way you are, just the way it is. it's much more worth the whole things. esp your kuota. and your followers's homefeed.
or maybe this is just you. maybe this culture just you and you're ok with it. it's, again, back to each of us. i cant bother anyone for their own thought i know.
but let me tell this thing. people will like it when they like it, you, the photo, the caption, the aesthetics, the whole thing, they will double-tap it if they want to. just, dont push yourself that hard. dont put your whole life on it.
pernah ga mikir gini,
1. mungkin orang yang lahir dan besar di sana, atau berdomisili di sana even gak dateng lalu foto-foto karena tahu mereka bakal bisa dateng ke tempat itu tiap hari kalo mereka mau (kecuali mereka ada proyek visual/endorsement, kecuali pengen aja foto--bukan obsesif karena pengen hits atau ngefeed)
2. kamu pun bisa ke sana tiap hari, kecuali pas itu langit dan cahaya alam lagi indah banget, atau lagi ada moment yang ingin kamu abadikan banget
3. semakin ke sini ngeliatnya malah kayak.. itu budaya-orang-luar-daerah banget iykwim
4. foto-hits-bareng-teman is actually so 2010 if your tendency is for being called as hits but if it is for cryztalizing the moments it is highly recommended (im not god tho i know. i know it)
5. foto sekali, dua kali, lima kali it's oke karena pas moment sama temen yang jarang ketemuan dan foto sebelumnya blur atau kenapa. tapi kenapa mesti over banget kalo toh demi dipost di feed. jadi salah fokus sama fotonya dan orang harus neglihat di feednya, bukan moment yang sedang terjadi.
6. if you really want it, maybe show some class
ps. i still love when people foto sendirian di tempat yang baru 'ngehip' atau ya foto hits pose kayak model, tapi tetep gak over, tetep interseting dan on point. atau foto lah foto hits hunting, tapi plis jangan spam sampe 3-3 bahkan 9 kali :( --> it is my very personal ask so dont mind it
6b. class bukan harus fancy outfit, tas mewah, makeup menor dan pose mahal. class is on your brain, and attitude. and, honesty.
or life is just too on point so the camera will help.
so after i technically activated back my account. i just go with it. but i start to unfollow so many people. i unfollow 300+ people and i keep 200+ yang mungkin bener-bener kenal, atau yang mungkin i feel like i want to hear their lives later, i follow who i want follow. because i see too much, i saw too many lives, too many news, and when it comes that i still do instagram, i want to stay healthy with it.
i follow 500 more accounts i find em match my passion and i dont need their follow-back. i started to post what i want to and chill. i dont care about followings, they can unfollow me whenever they want because they will follow me if they think they want/need to. i even dont care about the likes, about the aesthetic, because i do it for fun and chill. (sampe sini udah balik ke topik pembuka, jadi udah soal aku sendiri lagi gak maksudnya lo harus kaya gua. sampe sini gua ya cerita cerita aja soal kelanjutan kasus yang ada di pembukaan entry ini.)
i do a lot of ig-stories because i stop doing path/snapchat/askfm/twitter and i use ig-stories to replace all of its function; snapchat yes u already know why, path to show locations or words even movie and songs, askfm because with stories they could just ask me via dm if they want to and i will always reply them (i find it more communicative instead, as a social port, because it triggers people to just send and interacted, instead of giving love and in social media where we barely do comment idk why). it resumes all of other social medias' essence and the coolest part, it lets people to skip it. besides it will last for only 24 hours. and it doesnt have popularity-parameters because only us alone can know how many people have seen it. my stories usually get around 230-380 seen. a joking for my numbers of follower (I NEVER BOUGHT FOLLOWERS OR LIKES pls note that.)
im sorry if it looks pompous, or cocky, or haughty, chesty, uppish, donnish, whatever you name it. but i swear i'm not smug. and i hope you get my point. because i've lost friends of mine only because they tend and prefer to do fame dan hunting foto than just hang out and chill with me anywhere we can reach.
i dont say selebritisasi itu buruk. i say it's sad when we become too obsessive and worse when we dont know why we do it or what we mean by doing what we're doing. after all human needs to actualize their selves. and basically it's all back to each person and it's not our business to bother em, i know. i just cant help but write down what i saw and felt, im not stating it's bad. i said it's sad not bad. actually if it's interesting it's fine it's so ok. i love that. what i regret is, when they overdo it and become obsessive upon it. my title was, tentang kultur selebritisasi-diri-sendiri, tentang. if they actualy do it because all people do so. if they dont know why the do it and the essence behind their action. i talk about it from my point of view and i surely open a wide arguments upon it. correct me if i am wrong, i'd love to hear another point of view. you can comment down below, or dm me, or line me, or send me an email. or whatever, anywhen, anywhere, anyhow.
i really miss those times when we just hang out and go somewhere, sit and eat anything, laugh and chill without any tendency of feed, or fame.