it's been a year.

how to deal with loss?
bagaimana kita berdamai dengan rasa kehilangan?

kata orang musuh terbesar kita adalah diri kita sendiri. berdamai dengan diri sendiri merupakan tantangan selanjutnya. kemudian berdamai dengan masa lalu, kemudian dengan keadaan. lalu bagaimana dengan.. kehilangan?

kehilangan, ternyata mendewasakan.

kegagalan membuat kita lebih tangguh. kehilangan, membuat kita bertumbuh.

let's talk a little about life.

i lost my sister (adik kandungku satu-satunya) few weeks after i turned 2 years old. her name was kintan. angelina kintan lovelita. i slightly kept a memory in that age, but i remember my house was full of people one night.

the day my mom turned 44, i got a call. a news. my dad has passed away. that.. well that was, i remember, that news felt so cold and.. it didnt even sound like a sentence. i just sit there, for a long time i cant even recall how long, kept in silence. i didnt know what to do, i didnt know how to move. i just couldnt stand it. until my aunts, uncles and cousins came to my kos but i kept still. the moment they hug me, then just like a flood, i was teared apart. my whole self-defense collapsed and i couldnt stop crying. i didnt know who to tell, who to ask, who to blame, i dont know how to deal with those calls and texts and messages. it's not my first loss, but it was my first emotional loss.

my sister's tiny funeral is placed near my house, in a place called taman arum around alun alun. sometimes i go there alone. she was born 2 years after me on 98 and we would've been a cool sibling yknow, supposed to be. like kendall and kylie or gigi and bella or dakota and elle. or haim the band. or anything. if i were not a sole child maybe i would haven't been this cold and perhaps, havent been this loner.

but again, i talk about life as life, (in general), not only a success-material. i talk about pure happiness, a pure life. a learning, to appreciate things, and be anything we really want to be, and to always learn, to deal with, to be happy.

let's live for a purpose, with courage and a kind heart. with dreams, and honesty. with a sense of introspective and a soul that can see the essence. we are here for reasons. and it's not only for selfish or material things. we should stop war. we should share education and a better health. we should take care of our planet, our living space, we should appreciate things, follow our passions, make the best of our talents, on what we're really good at and be happy with it, and give this human race a chance. and a change. because we only gotta live once, and it's not for a long time.

we live for reasons. have we lived for these reasons?

No comments:

Post a Comment